


lonely nights (staying awake to think of you)

by PearlTurtle



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlTurtle/pseuds/PearlTurtle
Summary: It hurts, and Shuuichi knows they're gone, but during the dead of night, he still remembers smiles of blond haired girls who loved pianos, bright eyed astronauts, a teenager who lied to protect himself, and a blue haired witch.





	lonely nights (staying awake to think of you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Tysm for checking this out! If you enjoy it, I'd really appreciate it if you left a comment! My twitter is @pearltoroses, so if you enjoy this fix feel free to request something on there.

Harukawa shifts in her sleep, throwing an arm out over Yumeno’s small frame. Shuuichi stares and stares at the flickering light of the city from the dirty window of their apartment, metallic whispers emitting from the radio in the corner of the room, sleep refusing to come. He glances at the clock, dutifully ticking to the rhythm of Yumeno’s heartbeat. The numbers mean nothing to him. Morning would come, as it always did, and the echo of a monster’s voice would ring in his head each time he woke.

He gets to his feet, covering Yumeno with a mass of blankets, and makes his way to the radio, careful to avoid treading on Harukawa. Fiddling with the dials, Shuuichi finally finds a channel he's content with, the sound a welcome distraction from Yumeno’s whimpers of names he hoped one day he could forget. The audio drones on, the tired voice of the radio host interesting him enough for him to stop plaguing thoughts of blonde piano players, bright astronauts, and blue haired witches.

Shuuichi allows his eyes to flicker shut, the radio pressed close to his body in order not to disturb the two slumbering girls. Faint music plays, a recent pop band he doesn't know much about, but it's better than the routine cries, screams, and shouts. It's better than the thick silence of the scripted world. The host returns to talking, a drone of bland audio; it's peaceful, almost as if someone was there with him who wasn't a broken human being.

The peace is lost when piano notes ring out from the metal, the opening bars of Clair De Lune filling the room in a melodic torture. Its fake - a performance with no soul, and he hates it as much as he hates a monochrome bear. The radio is pulled from the cord, wire snapping. Shuuichi first thought is to dispose of the wire before it becomes an assist to strangulation, or to get rid of the radio before someone uses it as a bludgeon, and he hates that too.

Shuuichi unplugs the remainder of the cord, wrapping it around the radio and dropping it out of the open window - Yumeno and Harukawa never use it anyway. He returns to the pile of duvets on the floor, and stares and stares at the flickering lights of the city. Corpses dance at the edges of his vision, but when he turns he only sees the familiar smile of a pianist, waving at him with joy, as if she didn't know her fate.

(Shuuichi had seen the smile which was written to be Akamatsu’s, and this wasn't it - a poor imitation at best.)

He half wishes for it to disappear, but he reaches out nonetheless, yet by the time his hand brushes her figure she fades away, leaving only a few hairclips and the memory of a true smile. The visions of her feel more real than the tape of her ‘real’ self, or of the fictional girl who believed in a detective. What did reality mean to him though, when he was just another character from a game? 

Shuuichi almost feels guilty staying in the same room as Harukawa and Yumeno - whilst Harukawa’s cold demeanor hasn't changed much from the game, she still allowed herself a soft smile at points, a faint laugh that sounded like angels’ song to Shuuichi’s ears. It was far better than the soulless piano keys - Harukawa was real, and she had escaped the hard mold the Team Danganronpa forced her into, forming herself into soft colours and a gentle soul. Yumeno, on the other hand, embraced the change that was scripted for her - she brimmed with optimism and hope and she smiled as if she had forgotten the bright blood forming in a pool around Yonaga, it seeping from Chabas-

He had to forget, had to escape what Shirogane had wanted from him, from what Team Danganronpa had written him to be - he needed to become someone, not just a character in a show.

Harukawa shifts, throwing a leg across where Shuuichi had previously lain. Murmuring something in her sleep, she lifts the leg again and wraps it around Yumeno’s body - he wonders how she can even touch anyone, even sleep peacefully, despite what has happened… he should be happy for her, but he can't find the energy to have feelings other than disappointment and hatred anymore. He dearly, dearly wishes for him to awaken from the monotone dream that life has become.

If he had known it would end up like this, would he still have uncovered Akamatsu’s crime? Would he have removed his hat, and pushed forward, incriminating innocent friends who were forced into murder by a promise of fame and money? Would he have even signed up for this dreadful game?

(It hurts, but his old self probably would have signed up anyway. Does that person exist anymore?)

 

Shirogane often visits Shuuichi during his dreams, so much so that he remembers her face more so than Ouma’s and Momota’s, which plaster billboards frequently, so much more than Akamatsu, a girl who he nearly came to love in the short time he knew her. Its routine now, recognizing her blue locks, the light flinging of her glasses - she never once speaks, though. Her voice shifts, between Gokuhara’s cries before his execution, between Ouma’s lies and Shinguuji’s whispers and Tojo’s soft motherly tone.

He supposed that, in one way or another, they were all Shirogane - the witch who created a class full of androids complete with programmed responses, speaking through her puppets, it made sense. 

If there was one thing Shuuichi could never bring himself to admit, though, it was that the others, at least, were completely gone - Ouma’s plans to end the game, Momota’s encouragement which powered Shuuichi through the final trial, enabling him to end the cycle of death and grief; Shirogane wouldn't write that. Even Kiibo defied her orders.

(Was she a queen, with revolting subjects? A scientist, which gone wrong experiments? He wished he knew, wished he had something to name her as.)

On that night though, he dreams of dark walls and halls, a shooting star, and a game with knives, a game much happier than the hell inside the academy.

 

He's mildly surprised when he sees the spectral figure of Momota - Akamatsu appearing was common, so much so that he had a cupboard full of cheap radios to dispense of during the night. The nights Akamatsu didn't appear, he a rare moment of peace, a moment of sleep (until Shirogane plagues his thoughts.) 

Despite this, Momota doesn't appear often - when he does, it's a perfect replication of the hero that was the reason for Shuuichi’s heartbeat in the latter half of the killing game. Perfect, and strong, and brighter than a million suns combined - Momota was probably the only reason that Shuuichi hadn't raised a knife to his throat yet, as he couldn't bare to see the disappointment on Momota’s face in the after life.

The clock ticks, and Momota doesn't speak, just nods at Shuuichi, smiles, and reaches to take his hand.

When Shuuichi reaches out, however, all he can touch is an astral patterned coat clutched between Harukawa and him, with Yumeno’s drool ruining the once perfect state that Momota had taken so much pride in.

Was it scripted that he should love Momota? 

For the first time after the killing game’s end, his chest burns with passion, and he desperately hopes it wasn't.

 

The final night he sees on one of his deceased classmates (friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?), it is cold, and the chill seeps into his bones. Harukawa had disappeared earlier in the day, and Yumeno was staying at a hotel far away for a job interview. He was proud of her, deeply proud that she had managed to stand up again, and managed to set down her future.

The rain comes down, a gentle pitter-patter enveloping the room. There's no music, no loud snores or breathing, just quiet words uttering from Shuuichi’s mouth endlessly. Once his voice goes hoarse, after all, one can only repeat the names of dead classmates so many times, he instead moves onto his back, staring at the ceiling and the tacky glowing stars Yumeno had bought for him and Harukawa.

A gentle lights prompts his gaze to turn towards the window, but it was just a passing car. Shuuichi sighs, before a dark figure in the corner of the room catches his eye. Dark purple locks, a monochrome outfit… ah, it's Ouma - he hadn't chosen to haunt Shuuichi before, unlike the other victims.

He attempts to move his legs, but they feel akin to lead, so instead he opts to gesturing Ouma towards him. The spectral figure of Ouma complies, grinning brightly as he approaches. 

“You were pretty interesting, Saihara-chan~ And I mean you.” 

It was the first time that one of the hallucinations had spoken, but before Shuuichi could recover from his shock, Ouma had disappeared.

Shuuichi would be lying if he claimed he didn't cry himself to a restful slumber because it was him, not a puppet or you made by Team Danganronpa.

 

And maybe Shuuichi Saihara, the Ultimate Detective and protagonist of the final Danganronpa, didn't get better

But that didn't change the fact that he did.


End file.
